“It’s meeting the man of my dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife.”
I’ve always liked “Ironic” by Alanis Morissette. It’s even one of my go-to karaoke songs. I like how the lyrics weaved a story per verse and ended in the singer’s most ironic and heartbreaking moment. We’ve all had ironies in our lives, some little, some really big ones like the one mentioned above. So far, I’ve only had little ironies but there is this one time that something kind of similar to this song’s “best” ironic moment happened to me.
It happened recently although the persons involved haven’t tied the knot yet. Still, they’re going there. I won’t exactly caption the other party as “the man of my dreams” because he is basically still just a stranger to me. I don’t know him that well but I really liked the way he talked and most of his ways when we got together recently. I felt we could get along well since we somehow have similar personalities. But before I even try to get involved I knew that I should check whether someone already has their eyes or seal of ownership on this person. I knew that there was a 90% chance that there already is someone. I was right. Almost all of the time I am never wrong when it comes to a person’s relationship status especially if I get to spend time with them outside of school or work. I guess I’m just a good judge of character. As someone who follows the Golden Rule (most of the time) I just decided to keep my distance and compel myself to not think of anything further than just being friends or probably just keep the admiration to myself.
It’s hard. -_- Especially when that person has now become a constant part of my day (somehow). These are the moments when I think it would be better for me to become like my close friend who is asexual — who does not feel any special attraction to anything. It also makes me want to become a monk who does not care for the base emotions that drive most people to fall in love once they find someone they are attracted to. But since I am neither, it’s quite a hard task to keep the emotions at bay. Of course I cannot act differently towards the person or questions will come up and that’s not good. I also cannot be too obvious or even harder questions and even assumptions will come up which is even worse. So I have to take extra care to keep myself in the middle. It is so hard. Usually most of my crushes start out single then they get a partner which helps the feeling to fade away. It’s a first that I find myself attracted to someone who is already in a relationship. It’s ironic in some ways and very much frustrating. I sometimes wish it never happened but there is nothing I could do about it now except embrace the situation and learn from the experience. I’ll just go back to my quest of self-improvement and deal with my own internal (self-esteem, etc.) problems first before I deal with external factors that affect my view of the world. It’ll be fine of course. I know.