At a Crossroad

Nearing 30’s, I’m old and yet I still haven’t figured out my life yet. Then I come by this quote: “Life isn’t about figuring out who you are, it’s about living to be who you want to be.” 
It was beautiful. It struck a chord inside me. Not to sound cheesy but it did resonate with the depths of my soul. All these years I’ve been wasting time trying to answer insignificant questions, questions that no one in this world has the exact answers like “What is my purpose in life?”, “Why am I here?”, “Who am I meant to be?”, “Am I doing the right thing and living my life right?”, etc. Many facets in our society offers different answers to these questions. Religion tells us we were created by God to be the sheperds of this world and we are meant ot be saved from sin in the end, go to heaven and such. Philosophy tells us that we are born with reason to be able to discover the truth behind everything in this world and to accumulate the knowledge we need to survive. Whatever you choose to believe somehow all those answers still seem lacking on their own. So, in the end you become lonely and unfulfilled because in the end, you never really know.

However, if we shift the paradigm a little and take even a 180 degree turn. Instead of asking what we are here for, why don’t we start asking ourselves what do want to do, what do we want to be, where do we want to go? I have read countless articles that feature success stories from the most successful people in the world. The common denominator in these stories was that all of them thought more about their goals, what they wanted to do and to be, instead of thinking of what they were meant to do in life. Most of them end up going where they really wanted to be because all their lives they have only thought about that, getting to that place someday and that one goal drove them to be where they are today. I was wrong all along.

It is hard to break a habit, and 26 years of cultivating the same mindset will be something that is really hard to change. I am now at a crossroad, thinking about how I should start changing the way I see my life and my goals. What is it that I really want to do? I haven’t thought about it for many years now that I somehow forgot. As a child, perhaps I did think aboutit, fantasize about it and dreamed about it but I forgot it all now. Sad. I cannot turn back time, I wish I could. I can only look to the future as I grapple at the present with all my might. At this point I might still struggle to change the way I have been thinking for my entire life but I definitely will try. I have been unfulfilled and unsatisfied most of the time, it’s time for me to feel content and happy because I deserve to and it all starts with a change of my current mindset. I wish that when I re-read this post in the future that I have accomplished that task and I feel more content than I am right now and perhaps for the rest of my life. I hope, I wish, I will. Starting now. Starting with me.

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