Last month (I forgot what day), I downloaded a “dating app” out of boredom called Meet Me. MeetMe.com
*the app owners have tagged their app as ‘not a dating app’ but ultimately it bears the same functions*
I tried it for a few days (days because I was offline from Dec 16-Jan 11, so those dates do not count). At first it was fun. Chatting with other people made me learn a lot of different things and I got to experience a different kind of SNS where “dating” and “meeting up” is an option. There were moments when the rude side of me got worked up especially when a random stranger posted a comment on my status saying I was dumb. LOL. I didn’t even know the guy. This was probably the most unforgettable experience I had with Meet Me and I never thought I could be that ‘wittingly rude’, if I may. Haha. That debate went completely insane as the commenters began to fight/diss each other and I got left behind the curtain of their trash talking. I just couldn’t help but laugh out loud at that time.
A few days into Meet Me I became tired of boys and men constantly asking for my Skype, IMO, WhatsApp or Viber. I only have the latter and even so I still don’t want to give my private number to a total stranger. I also got tired of people asking if I wanted to meet up with them (so ironic of me to say no when the very title of the app suggests that I do, face slap!) and ultimately if I would ‘give them the pleasure’ of being their girlfriend. So I edited the About Me section in my profile and specifically typed in my boundaries: I had no Skype, IMO, etc so stop asking, No meet ups, No dates, Not looking! All of which were pointless because apparently 99% of the people who messaged me only looked at my pictures and never read my profile. So I ended up constantly reminding them to read my profile first. Even then, there are a handful that think that they can tempt me to break any of the limits that I just set and when I end up being consistent they instantly get mad. I mean, what the hell?! YOU WERE WARNED, BRO.
Thankfully there were only a few who asked me to have sex with them. Some of them disappointingly accepted my stand while some got angry and started to diss me. I just politely ignored them by clicking the Report User button. 🙂
There were those that I really had great conversations with. Those who respected my opinions and boundaries. Who never attempted to illicit any favor from me but constantly talked (or chatted) with me about other stuff (other than the normal ones I get, i.e. asking for my number, Skype and others, asking for a date/meet up). Regretfully, after my long vacay these people never replied back. Oh well. There was one particular person who never did ask for anything but only attempted to get to know me by asking stuff like what are my hobbies, interests, work/course, etc. The kind of questions you normally start off with when you are trying to get a date with someone. I mean, in real life do you immediately ask a girl to date you? In person? Obviously she’d say no because she doesn’t know you (except if she’s a bit wild and crazy, if you know what I mean). I find that people definitely become more confident in virtual reality than in real life. In my case, I prefer to be consistent in both.
What is most interesting with this experience is that I got to see how most men see women. There are really only a few of them who are willing to accept the possibility of a strong and truly independent woman. And even fewer who can see a woman who does not need a man in her life to have value. Most of the men I interacted with made me realize that if a woman is single and not looking to date or have a romantic relationship then she is viewed by many (women included) as not only a rarity but an actual abnormality and that isn’t fair at all! A man who is single but unavailable is widely accepted because people think, “Oh, he must be one hell of a man, he doesn’t need girls. Macho!” What about a woman? Can’t her reason be the same? The fact that at that time she honestly doesn’t need a man? A single woman (in my age) who is unavailable is widely frowned upon as if people expect that it is necessary for a woman like me to date. It is NOT! In fact, at this time, dating for me might even be a hassle with all the things that I have already prioritized. I don’t need a man to ruin all these good things for me. Plus, I got to see my mother who was not able to enjoy her single life to the fullest (meaning buying stuff for her self, traveling, buying her own house and properties, etc.) because she married right after she passed her board exam. She always told me she felt sad that she married early and she did it when she was 24 (I’m 25), still early! Thankfully, she’s doing all of those things now that both my sister and I are already grown-ups. Still, it came too late for her. I do not want to regret like that.
I am still studying and I have Bar exams to worry about, my future, my career, my life. I cannot worry about someone else’s life right now because I can’t even handle my own yet. In short, I am not ready for a relationship and can’t men just accept that fact? And it isn’t in the age even. Hell, I can be 40 and still not be dating because I simply do not want to. And before any of you take this wrongly, my circumstances do not prevent me to date or have a relationship at all. I can stick it in there if I wanted to but in truth having a relationship right now is at the very bottom of my to do list and I am very sure that if I had a boyfriend/girlfriend now (whatever I may decide on later) I’d only just regret it because I honestly do not want one right now. Sure I have crushes, fantasies (good and bad ones, hehe), and imaginations of romance (heck, I write them!) but ultimately, and because I do have them, I know that at this moment these things are not for me yet. Eventually there will come a time when I will be able to accept it and be willing to give it a try, when the right man comes. Eventually. But if ever he doesn’t, I won’t be desperate enough to just settle for less than what I deserve. I therefore end this post with a famous quote:
“It is better to be alone than be in bad company.”
Good night, mi amigos!
*Final note: I recently deleted my account and uninstalled the app since it ultimately got boring with people asking the same thing over and over again. In the end, I just realized that maintaining an account in a dating app isn’t for me. 🙂