Let me sum up my week and all the previous weeks I’ve had ever since I stopped writing in this blog: BORING.
Lately, I’ve been more cranky than usual. It is not the hormones that are talking because I’ve already finished this month’s visiting days but it’s just that I have nothing to do that makes me really excited. Compared to previous years (i.e. when I first started law school) my life right now just kind of sucks. It is this same old boring routine that keeps happening over and over and over again like I am stuck in a time loop. To get away from all of that I write stories and watch movies, binge all I like as long as iflix remains free until the end of the month. I’m stuck in my room, refusing to go out, not wanting to go out. I’m not really depressed because I am eating well enough. I function well enough to keep my focus. I feel fine and normal. I even meditate and do self-exploration. So is this just laziness talking?
I have tons of work to do and not an urge to start or when I do start not a single motivation to finish. Either law school is getting easier or I’m getting smarter. Haha. LOL. Another possibility would be that I just happen to lose interest and no longer care. The latter one’s the most believable. As much as I want to follow the advice of “Remember why you’re here. Why you want to become a lawyer.” I always end up remembering the fact that I already lost interest in law 5-6 years ago while I was still in College. What I really wanted was a scholarship for a Master’s Degree either in Europe, Japan or Singapore. (notice the first one’s a continent and not a country?) What I wanted was a fellowship program so that I can become a diplomat, which I probably would have been now if ever I have the chops to pass the FSE. Law school just came as a “okay, since we’re here let’s do it” thing, sudden and not well thought of. It’s not that I am not learning or enjoying it but somehow I feel that UP College of Law is not really the place I want to be in right now. All I want is to get out of here and do work pronto. I really can’t wait for OLA to start, and I don’t mind the “alleged irrationality and irritability” that a certain figure in that “internship” could “probably” give me when I start until I finish. The claims that “it might be hell” actually intrigue me even more. Maybe I am an unproclaimed masochist but I really want to see if I’m up to the challenge. Scolding, shouting and abusive language or behavior (mostly rumors from upperclassmen) will not kill me. Sure it hurts my pride but all the more do I want to give it a go. Maybe that’s the thing that will finally get me off this boredom of mine. Sadly, I still have to wait for two semesters before I can start. Bummer.
Damn, look at the time: 2:55AM. Add insomia to the list and maybe I am depressed, I just won’t admit it. Anyway, I’ll end here. I just wrote this boring stuff to have something to post in this self-praise blog anyway. Feel free to ridicule, I somehow find it interesting. Maybe I’d try looking for a dominatrix next. Haha. 🙂